Truth Behind the Torture
by Psycho Ann
Summary: Gasp. A 'logical' Gohan Torture fic? Is that even possible? No. Of course not.


First of all, **you should read ShaggyDiz's The Noodle Game : The Last straw (storyid=1282451) FIRST**. And second, I would like to point out I don't mean anything but good natured laughing _together_. We must all know the myriad of Gohan Torture fics that decorate this G/V section and some of them are really good but it does get a bit tiring. This fic is just... well, a spoof of those fics and other clichés, I mean no disrespect for the authors. 

I hope you all can still enjoy the somewhat not funny humor fic of mine which has no plot whatsoever ^^;;; Ah, and there are a few 'jokes' that only a few will understand, some inside jokes if you may. So even more things will turn out not funny or understandable. Hehe ^^;; 

Guest Authors :   
- **ShaggyDiz** userid=33586   
- **sage** userid=191602   
- **PsYChO** userid=173697   
- **TheWraith** userid=329430   
- **Lady Melanie** userid=285103   
- **Goku's Daughter** userid=108497****

**Special note to Fred, Courtney and Mike :**

**::plasters herself to the floor: "PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!! I'M SORRY! FORGIVE ME!!!!!!! Especially Mike, don't hate me!! My evil author side forced me to write it!!!!!!"**

Disclaimer : I own nothing but the Pina Colada cock_tale_. Hehe, tale. 

* * *

  
  
  
  


Truth Behind the Torture   
  
  
  


A 'Logical' Gohan Torture Spoof Fic by Psycho Ann 

  
  
  
  
  
  


It stood there, alienish among its plain surroundings. Beads of water shined in the morning sun, casting small rays to the tiled floor as they slowly roll down the frosty edge. The decorative glass was pretty in itself, swirling with miniature rainbows from the white sun light that refracted through its plane. On its frosted edge was a pineapple wedge--fresh cut. A red striped straw poked up from behind a small pink umbrella stuck into the crushed ice. 

Dende stared. 

The young Namekian Guardian had just finished his usual round of watching the earth. Aiming for a quick nap, Dende had discreetly slipped in, bent on avoiding Piccolo and or Mr. Popo less they gave him a short lecture for slacking off on the job. The green guardian snorted derisively. It's not like he could actually _do_ anything. His job description mainly focuses on alerting the Earth's protectors when something big happens, host the Lookout as a main base when something big happens, stay out of the way when something big happens, and of course, stay _alive_ when something big happens. 

After all, with him dead, no Dragonballs, eh? 

But then, nothing big had happened since Cell. 7 years. 7 years of boredom. 

However, this _sure_ was a break from routine. 

The drink (he guessed it was a drink) was standing there in its solitude of the white tiled ceramic that covered the dome's floor. Dende slowly took his eyes away from the glass to look around. Mr. Popo was inside, taking a nap himself, and Piccolo was somewhere away, probably meditating. So how did it get here? 

The cool winds ruffled his guardian robes, tickling his antennae, as he stood there deciding on a course of action. Then ever so slowly, Dende cautiously stepped forward; his staff's 'tock-tock' echoing off the walls. He now stood right next to the curious glass, looking down at it's sweet smelling contents. Dende by far wasn't an ignorant Namekian. Nor was he a naive one. However, he would admit he was now one utterly, completely, 100% dumbfounded Namekian teen. 

Who could have put it there? Why? 

Dende again glanced around, albeit a tad more nervously. Was there someone else on the Lookout? 

Suddenly, Dende didn't feel so safe and secure anymore. Hefting up his robes, he sprinted away to find Mr. Popo and if possible, Piccolo. Maybe they could shed some light on the mysterious appearance of the tall, frosty glass of some kind of beverage. 

* * *

Meanwhile, the students of Orange Star High, namely Gohan's class, were given a free hour to discuss the issue on where they should go for their annual field trip. Videl stood reluctantly at the head of the room by the blackboard, giving the her fellow students a lazy glare. In her right hand was a piece of chalk. In her left was the fingerless glove that adorned her right hand, taken off to avoid getting smeared by white chalk. 

"Okay, everyone listen!" She called out to the hustle of the classroom. No one paid her attention save for the ones in her row. She tried again, louder. "Everyone! Listen here! Hey!" Some of the students calmed down only to start talking again amongst themselves. A vein twitched visibly on her temple and Gohan suddenly had a sinking feeling the blue-eyed girl was going to do something drastic. 

Smirking a smirk that rivaled Vegeta's in evilness, Videl placed her tough nails against the blackboard. Gohan blessed his inhuman speed for giving him the ability to impale his fingers in his ears just as Videl mercilessly dragged her hand down. The loud ruckus of the class was soon replaced by the torturous _screeching_ and muffled cries of the students. Satisfied she finally gotten through to her fellow classmates, Videl once again addressed the class. 

"Now that I have your _undivided_ attention," she paused to glare threateningly across the room, "may I hear some suggestions on where we should go for this year's field trip?" Videl cursed inwardly being appointed head of class as the students bombarded her with incomprehensible shouts. Calmly, videl placed her nails on the blackboard again. The room fell silent in an audible 'thunk'. "Good. I want to hear them one by one, starting from the first row." 

When they reached the last student, Videl stepped back from the board and evaluated the choices so far. "Hmm, seems like we got most votes for a field trip to Capsule Corps." Nobody noticed Gohan gulp nervously. "Now, may I point out just why this is an option we can't take." Ignoring the dejected 'awwww' of her classmates, Videl stepped up, crossed out Capsule Corps, and started writing points underneath it. 

"First, our budget is only 2500 zeni. Capsule Corps is on the other-side of the world. We have at least 50 students in this class. To schedule a field trip there is already a big load on our budget not to mention traveling fees, the food, the insurance..... To make it short, there's no way in _hell_ our school would pay for it, let alone let 50 of it's students on a trip across the globe." 

One could tell she was in a bad mood as she smashed the chalk against the board to make the periods at the end. Half stomping to the next point Videl started again. 

"Satan's Wilderness Camp. Gee, I didn't even know he opened such a thing. Hm, this might be a plausible option. We'll get back on that." She moved on to the next point, took one look, and deftly crossed out 'Satan Mansion'. No one dared to ask her to explain why. Next up was "Baseball Stadium to invite the Wolves". 

"Famous base ball players, eh?" Videl tapped her chin and mentally calculated the fees. "The mayor inviting them over to Satan City's Stadium is hard enough, let alone a bunch of students on a limited budget. Get real." She crossed it out ruthlessly. Some of the students were already promising themselves _not_ to elect Videl as head of class next year. 

"Lost Empire of Chaotzu? It's lost, why waste time finding it. Fire Mountain? Heard the fire's out, nothing to see. Hiking at Mt. Paozu? Hm, going to strain our budget a bit, but we can ask the school. Satan Mall? Good try, Erasa. Site of the Cell Games? See 'Capsule Corps'. Former Budokai Fighter's Homes? I'm not even going to dignify that with a logical explanation." And Videl went on, quickly crossing out suggestions while spiting out 'witty' remarks. 

Gohan was about to nod off when a sharp pain shot up his spine almost making him cry out. He knew immediately what had happened without the tell-tale (hehe, tale) tightening of his pants and the uncomfortable cramp to his newly returned member. Good thing both Erasa and Sharpener were already drooling on their desks to notice anything wrong. 

When the initial shock wore off, panic set in. Making no one was watching, Gohan slowly pulled out his shirt and tail. Remembering how Vegeta and the other Saiyans used to carry it, Gohan wrapped his tail around his waist and pulled his shirt over it. He would need to get it removed as quickly as possible. When the bell rang, Gohan wandered up to the roof, flew off to an isolated area, then swiftly pulled it off. It took some time to get over the pain but he was back in school right after as if it never happened. 

* * *

"So." 

"So?" 

"What is it?" 

The three occupants of Kami's Lookout gathered around the still frosty glass, eyeing it with varying degrees of interest. Piccolo had returned hastily after a frantic telepathic call from Dende. He expected trouble, but definitely not _this_. Whatever _this_ was. 

"How the hell am I supposed to know? Just get rid of it," Piccolo answered curtly. 

"But... we don't even know where it came from! Or _what_ it is!" Dende replied, waving his staff in the glass's general direction. 

"I believe... it's an alcoholic drink, Dende." 

Both Namekians turned to the black skinned helper of Earth's guardian(s). "How do you know that, Mr. Popo?" asked Dende curiously. 

"I can smell it. There's a hint of what the earthlings call rum, some coconut, and some pineapple," he answered in his calm voice. 

Piccolo took a whiff, "Yes, I can detect some alcohol in it. Well, that's done with, now just get rid of it!" 

"But we _still_ don't know where it came from!" protested Dende. 

"Who cares? It might be a trap, laced with poison for all we know," Piccolo shot back. "This is silly, I'll get rid of it myself." 

Before anyone could move another inch however, the sudden appearance of an all too familiar, yet dreaded, ki alerted them. The group immediately made their way out and peered down. Looks of horror were on their faces (at least Piccolo and Dende's, with Mr. Popo it's hard to tell) as they confirmed the reading. 

"It can't be..." whispered Dende. "It's.... Cell." 

Then impossibly another ki blinked into existence, the Nameks gasped. 

"That's Frieza!" Cried Piccolo. Oh wow, yet another ki. "And Radditz!" 

"Who?" questioned Dende but was ignored and cut of by yet the appearance of more ki. Piccolo felt the need to vocally name them all for the readers. 

"That's Nappa! And Dr. Gero! What in the wo- Ginyu Force?!" Piccolo was gaping like a fish by then, frantically trying to beat down the headless chicken type of panic creeping up. The earth was simply, screwed. It was a known fact Gohan was not as strong as he used to be. Vegeta might just enough though..... but what if they trained in the Other World?? Wait, _can_ they even train in hell? 

Dende was already in headless chicken mode as he started running around in circles. "We're going to die! There's no way the fighters can fight ALL of them together with Cell back!! We're going to die! To die! To--wait, they're gone." 

The two peered curiously over the ledge, extending their senses to the max. Sure enough, the whole group left as suddenly as they appeared. Confused as hell, the three wordlessly stared for what seemed an eternity. 

"I need a drink," Dende murmured. 

* * *

Who was the hero that saved earth from semi-certain destruction? Why, who else but the old witch Uranai Baba, of course. 

"You sorry villains..." the old lady reprimanded. "Thinking you could escape death that easily, eh?" 

She was replied with various combinations of glares, snorts, growls, shrugs, curses, grumbles and even half hearted swipes by different tails. The group of villains were now dejectedly following the floating witch-on-a-ball back to their more or less hellish life, er, death in hell. It was initially Cell who suddenly noticed the rip in space while he was sulking in the corner after being the first to lose at mah-jong. Calling over to his cell-mates (hehe, cell) he deftly jumped through to find himself back on earth. Cell was already imagining the feel of Gohan's neck between his fingers when his hope was crushed like Juurokugou's head. 

After the majority of them went through the portal they suddenly found themselves _back_ at the gates of the Other World, face to face with a toad on a floating ball. The toad turned out to be an old woman who curiously was able to instill dread in their dark hearts. After all, who wouldn't dread a crabby senior citizen? 

"Really," Baba sneered shortly after, "You really can't expect to set foot for long on another plane of existence without your bodies, eh? Only those with grants from King Enma can go back to earth. And that even is limited to hours." Her convoy grumbled inaudibly. Baba smiled a smile that could be associated with words like 'evil' and 'cruel'. "Which reminds me... Son Goku is getting his grant in a month." 

Majority of the villains started bashing their heads against their own fists. 

* * *

Meanwhile, at a large yellow domed building, a certain lavender haired demi Saiyan grinned evilly to himself. What he had planned was potentially suicidal for himself. However, he believed with all his heart his father wouldn't _really_ murder him. Training him until he dropped maybe, but not _death_. And growing up with those that died--multiple times--he didn't really find death all that intimidating anymore. 

And so, Trunks waited patiently from his perch behind the sofa, aware of the silent foot steps only a Saiyan ear could detect. The bottle of pink hair dye dangled precariously above the doorway, ready to drop on Trunks's victim of the month. The Prince of Saiyans, Vegeta. 

Vegeta strode right in and the open bottle dropped--only to be caught swiftly, examined, then thrown with deadly accuracy into the trash can in the corner. 

As Vegeta continued his stride through the living room to the kitchens, Trunks pouted. His father was _way_ too alert for any prank..... 

* * *

Later on that evening, Gohan and Goten sat at the dinner table eating away happily while Chi-Chi clean up the pot and pans. As she was scrubbing her frying pan, a sudden buzz alerted her. A cockroach. A flying, fat, cockroach was in _her_ kitchen. Chi-Chi's eyes narrowed down to slits as her hand tightened around the frying pan's handle. 

The cockroach dived just as Chi-Chi's frying pan swept the empty air it was in. Undaunted, Chi-Chi continued swinging at the insect, her sons too focused on their eating to notice. The cockroach was skilled, she gave her opponent that much credit, but then, _she_ had a martial artist's ability, a rational brain, and eyes to NOTICE THE DAMN BUG STOPPED!! 

"HYAAH!" She cried, swinging the pan in a full arc to smash against the now _very_ deceased insect. However, in her fury, she didn't notice that the cockroach had landed on Gohan's head. Her frying pan impacted, dented in before splintering at the handle, and broke off. Gohan's frantic eating not at all disturbed. 

He did pause a moment later to look back curiously at his mother. "You say something, Mom?" 

"Um... no, just finish your supper, Gohan." 

"Okay." 

Her new frying pan was utterly destroyed, but as a mother she was somewhat relieved Gohan was so strong. If he was just a normal human, Chi-Chi could imagine the concussion or brain hemorrhage inflicted on him. If punches that could demolish a mountain could hardly stun her son, a frying pan swung by his mother was practically insignificant! 

Sighing to herself, Chi-Chi reminded herself to let Gohan know he should get his hair washed soon afterwards. 

* * *

All in all, the day seemed pretty much normal save for the unexplainable drink, tail re-growth, and dead villains coming to earth (albeit for a very, _very_, short period). However, all of it was going to change--drastically. Like rowing a canoe in placid waters only to find yourself pummeling over a 100-feet waterfall while screaming your lungs out but then discover you could hardly _squeak_ at the velocity of the winds blasting at you. Or maybe the author is exaggerating. Or am I? 

High above the clouds at Kami's Lookout, all was silent. Dende and Mr. Popo retired to their chambers after avoiding the ominous glass of an alcoholic beverage like it was radioactive. Piccolo also 'retired' to the other end of the Lookout, meditating (sleeping) while floating a few feet off the tiles. Nobody had said anything else about the drink, they just mutually agreed silently that if the drink was still there in the morning Piccolo would do the honors of ki blasting it out of existence. 

Speaking about existence, three cloaked figures _fazed_ out of the darkness of the Lookout. Their movements were silent, their ki a literal zero, nothing betrayed their presence but the visual image of their dark forms. They approached the still frosty glass and gathered before it. The first figure then spoke in a obvious female voice, barely a whisper to even Namekian senses yet loud and somewhat insane to her companions' ears. 

"He's not taking the bait." 

They stood there without movement, like haunting image of Grim Reapers waiting for a poor soul to fall into their grasp. But then, that was before the third figure threw up his hands in frustration and cursed mysteriously. 

"F---!" 

"Language, language...." the second figure, also female, reprimanded evilly. "You know, you should keep the cursing to minimum since this is _her_ domain." 

"Yes, this is _my_ domain isn't it?" The first figure chuckled psychotically before patting the third figure on the back. "But then, we are here for ShaggyDiz's revenge aren't we, Sage?" 

The third figure, now revealed to be ShaggyDiz, took off his cloak for no other reason than that with his identity known, a mysterious black cloak was no longer needed. The second figure, Sage, also mimicked ShaggyDiz's movements. Even without the covering of the cloaks, no description could be made about their physical features. They were simply _too_ mysterious.   
  
Although one could hardly count the full body cast on ShaggyDiz as mysterious. Unless you point out the mystery on how he could move around and even take off his cloak in that state. 

"Damn that f---ing Gohan!" ShaggyDiz cursed again as he mysteriously waved a fist. "I _will _have my f---ing revenge!" 

"Considering he so easily 'defeated' you despite your Super Saiyan 80 powers was an admirable feat," Sage murmured, tapping a finger against her chin in an undoubtedly evil gesture. "Though I doubt he could match up to my Evil Psychic-jin 99 powers that coincidentally is exactly like Super Saiyan only much cooler." 

The first fig--ah heck with it, you all should know it's Psycho Ann by now. Psycho Ann threw off her cloak before turning a wide psychotic grin and surprised eye to Sage. "Oh? I thought you would rather use other methods to torture that particular demi-Saiyan, other than by force." 

Sage shrugged like an evil villain, "Which is probably why I'm tagging along with you guys.... why are we doing this again?" 

Finding Sage's inquiry to be a perfect chance to explain the plot, Ann crazily answered. "Since ShaggyDiz was so heavily injured, his Super Saiyan powers weren't enough to start the events that would inflict severe mental distress on Gohan. And since he turned out so, um, diminutive in his domain, we figured why not have a go in _my_ domain. And since my domain isn't as flexible as his, we figured we need to go at it the old fashion way. By getting Dende drunk." Ann paused, wondering if it was too late to leave ShaggyDiz and Sage hanging before she would come back a month later to continue her explanation. 

"I thought you said you were making this happen _logically_," Sage pointed out evilly. 

"Isn't it?" 

"Up until _we_ got here." 

Psycho Ann immediately feigned dementia and started cackling maniacally for no reason whatsoever. ShaggyDiz and Sage rolled their eyes in a mysterious and evil way respectively. 

"Did she say anything about this to you?" Sage asked ShaggyDiz in her villainous voice. 

"You want it in f---ing verbatim?" ShaggyDiz asked back mysteriously. Sage nodded wickedly. "I believe she said some shit about, '|)1s 1Z |\/|4h f1C 4nd A|-| C4|\| d0 \/\/uT 4h w4|\|t! W00t!'." The evil authoress was thoroughly impressed with how ShaggyDiz mysteriously was able to pronounce the phrase at all. 

"I see, literally. Hey, Ann, what if Dende doesn't drink the Pina Colada?" 

Snapping out of her psychotic reverie, Ann turned to the two. "I don't know. Any suggestions?" Again, Ann wondered if she could just blink out of existence till a month or so. 

"Bribe King Enma to revive a few chosen Saiyans?" 

"Steal a f---ing time machine from Capsule Corps and get Mirai Trunks?" 

"Oh! Maybe we could go to the future in _this_ timeline and get Pan!" 

"How about multiple f---ing Gohans?" Wait, that came out _wrong_. 

"Multiple Videls?" 

"Multiple Vegetas?" 

"Multiple Chi-Chis?" At this everyone shuddered, even ShaggyDiz forgot to curse. 

"Maybe we could trick some Z warriors to substitute!" 

"Or play some f---ing 'authentic' Cell Game footage at Orange Star High." 

"Why not kill off Videl in a sudden and evil way to make Gohan go insane and challenge all the Kais for his revenge? He'll then go on a murderous rampage and destroy the universe in hopes of making the Kais pay for taking Videl away from him. Of course, he failed to notice that by murdering so many civilizations he would be sent to hell instead of heaven. And thus, he and Videl will be separated for eternity. Torturous, huh?" 

Psycho Ann and ShaggyDiz stared at Sage before shivering from the sudden drop in room temperature. "That's _too _evil, Sage..." Ann muttered insanely. 

"_Way_ too f---ing evil...." ShaggyDiz agreed, nodding his head despite the hard cast. Mysteriously, of course. 

"Okay then... how about making Gohan and Videl read each other's thoughts?" 

"What? You originators are going to implement That Damn Bond? Eh?" 

The three immediately spun around to the voice. What greeted them was some steroid-induced dictionary-wielding quarterback. Before any of them could move another step, the person suddenly got tackled repeatedly by massive offensive linesman and irate reviewers. The person cried out in impossibly difficult and sophisticated words, all the while adding a 'eh' after every sentence or so. 

"PsYChO!! " Cried the three in perfect articulation on which letters to emphasize in his name.   
  
"Please!" PsYChO momentarily pulled himself out of the medley to grasp at his fellow self-inserts. "I'm in exigent need of your auspices!!" 

"You're in _what_ of our _what_??" Psycho Ann, ShaggyDiz (who forgot to curse) and Sage simultaneously asked, baffled by the unfamiliar words. PsYChO had the time to mutter intelligently under his breath before flinging his dictionary at them. Unfortunately, due to his steroid-induced quarterback arm, the heavy dictionary was nothing but a blur before it impacted with Ann's forehead. The loud whack/crack/splat shocked everyone into silence--including the massive offensive linesman and irate reviewers--as they watched Ann teeter on her feet. The insane girl wobbled around, building suspense with every step, making her audience wonder if she was dead, dying, or alive. 

Just as the psychotic girl collapsed in a puddle of her blood with chunks of brain matter flying about, a young boy Instant Transmissioned next to her rapidly cooling body. "Hey!" TheWraith cheerfully greeted, his arms full with a variety of Thai and Mexican food. "Anyone seen Ann? You guys are missing out on the feast at New Vegeta!" 

Wordlessly, the people present pointed at the corpse next to the Pina Colada cocktail.   
  
"Gah!" TheWraith gasped, more appalled that he had been standing in blood rather than his big sister's death. "She's dead! My new shoes! Who's going to tell Lady Melanie?!" 

Nobody needed to answer that as a second later Psycho Ann's demi-Saiyan sister by royal New Vegeta law appeared with Instant Transmission also. "Where's An--aaaaaAAAAA!!" 

And just to make things more merry, Goku's Daughter, or Gee Dee as they called her, dropped in just in time to scream, "New Vegeta is being attacked by stereotypical ridiculous self-inserts that possess illogical power so absurd that our rational author Elite troops can't outwrite them!!" 

Pandemonium. 

_This_, my dear readers, is why self-inserts _never_ work. 

* * *

All right. Piccolo was _sure_ that wasn't a dream. He had been hearing voices that seem to multiply and increase in volume. But then, he was on the Lookout, and there was no ki other whatsoever. Was he hearing voices? He finally decided to investigate; since the voices seem to be coming from inside the Lookout palace and not his head. 

His sensitive ears just caught the words 'elite' before a deafening roar and--complete silence. He froze in his tracks, sacrificing his mobile skills to divert all concentration solely to stretching out his senses. Nothing. He rounded the corner and stepped up to the palace entrance. It was dark but his Namekian eyes and the moonlight filtering in was enough. 

Enough to reveal the bloody corpse laying next to a large dictionary and the drink. 

The corpse was mysteriously indescribable, and seem to be somewhat.... trampled. There was many sets of foot prints in blood and all over the mysterious corpse. Piccolo was too busy trying to blink the apparition away to feel any fear or confusion. When the dead body didn't go away, he immediately backed up a step. Then, he nearly _screamed_ when the corpse shot up; brain matter falling out from the hole in the corpse's skull to land with a sickening splat on the tiled floor. 

"Wait a minute..." Psycho Ann chuckled insanely. "This is _my_ domain! I can do whatever I want! And that includes _not_ dying!" 

Piccolo watched, petrified to the spot, as the girl stood up and dusted herself up. Then she seem to notice his presence and turned to him. From this new angle Piccolo could see clearly into her skull. He tried to look away, to run, but the site was just _too_ morbidly fascinating. 

They both stood there staring at each other, for completely different reasons, before the girl gave him a toothy demented grin. Before he could react, she was gone. Along with the blood, foot prints, dictionary and yes, the drink. The dome was clean, spotless, as if no corpse was lying there just moments before. 

Piccolo _blinked_. 

No way a person could be up here with zero ki as much as a android. No way could a obviously dead person come to life either unless she's an alien or something. But then, who killed her? The drink and dictionary, what about those? Where's all the voices he heard? How they're all gone? His brain was so confused by what he saw he concluded what he saw must _not_ have happened. He must have fell asleep while meditating and sleep walked. Yes. Dream. All a dream. 

Piccolo stood at the same exact spot till sunrise. 

* * *

Dende sleepily opened his eyes, blissfully unaware of what horrors Piccolo had seen. He swung his legs over the modest bed, reaching out for his staff as he automatically reached to the small table next to his bed for his glass of water. His surprised cry stopped him from getting his breakfast though. Dende stared, now feeling _very_ creeped out, at the frosty drink that replaced his glass. 

It was identical; the same pineapple wedge with the stripped straw and pink mini umbrella, the same rum and coconut smell with a dash of sour pineapple aroma. It was _the_ drink. 

How did it get there? Was this some practical joke by Piccolo or Mr. Popo? Dende mentally scolded himself for even considering that those two particular humanoid beings could ever possess any sense of humor. Maybe someone _was_ out to poison him..... 

Dende inched away from his bed but couldn't help but still be curious on how it got there. Who? What? Why? When? How?? He sighed, feeling the impending pounding in his head. He closed his eyes a few moments to massage his temples before looking up again--only to gape. 

It was only his glass of water. No pineapple wedged drink. 

Like Piccolo, Dende blinked a couple of this before concluding he was just hallucinating. Probably because of the mysterious drink that plagued his thoughts yesterday. Wonder if it's still there, maybe Piccolo already took care of it. Reaching out to the glass, Dende brought it up to his lips. 

What went down his throat was _not_ water. 

It tasted sour yet sweet, but clearly burned of rum if Dende had ever tried any. In his surprise, Dende swallowed down some before spitting out the rest in a spray of fine mist. But then, something went horribly wrong. You see, the Namekians have some attributes similar to the mollusks of the class Gastropoda other than their antennae. Well, not really. But there's a reason why their bodies only need water enough to sustain life. They have a very sensitive chemical balance that enable them to process whatever scarce minerals and elements found in water for all the workings of their bodies. However, due to this dependency on something as plain as water, one could imagine what a rum, coconut, and pineapple mix would cause. 

The liquid burned its way down, causing havoc on cells not adapted to absorb its harmful chemicals. The purple blood cells ruptured and lysis occurred with frightening speed. Dende gasped, gagged, and crumpled to the floor as he could literally feel his insides melt. He tried to call out, to gather his ki for help or self healing but couldn't. 

Finally, the all vital organs disintegrated as if splashed with acid, eating its way through skin and bringing a relatively fast death for Dende. 

All Piccolo and Mr. Popo could find was a puddle of green and purple liquid among discarded Guardian robes. Piccolo's eyes wandered over to the spilled drink on the floor and felt a strange bout of hysterical laugh bubbling up. He pushed it down of course and decided to just treat it like any other tragic event. With no remorse whatsoever. 

"Great, I guess we'll be going on a trip to New Namek."   


The End!   


  


* * *

A/N. You people are _so_ going to flame me for this, eh? ^^;;;; And I have a feeling some of you are going to flame me because I'm not posting up my other fics XD HAHAHA writer's block~! 

Some thoughts : 

(About that zeni equivalent. It's 65 zeni for a cab in South City and according to a reviewer that's actually kinda cheap in dollars. Thanks Rain!)   
- Cell in the afterlife..... theoretically speaking, Cell _couldn't_ be in the afterlife. He's a 100% creation like Juurokugou only biological than mechanical. And thus, like Juuroku, he couldn't have a soul. Which is why Cell really can't be there in hell with the rest of the villains like in the anime. (which have plot holes bigger than the Genki Dama used to defeat Buu) 


End file.
